New Year’s Resolutions

I resolve to … solve the issues
of my life with determination. Address
the tribulations that hound me. In all areas
I’ll take action. I must repair the bathroom cabinet,
and clean out the garage. I will fix my relationships with
others and seek new solutions to the same reoccurring problems.

Maybe my relationships will be handled once the garage is neat
and the cabinet door doesn’t dangle on its hinge. Why do
I try? All this willpower will be forgotten by July and
all these resolutions will appear again with
a new found fortitude on another list
at the beginning of next year.

What if nothing is messy or
broken and everything is as it should be?
There would be nothing to fix or clean then I could
resolve to be creative, or I could find salvation, to discover
my purpose in life and to express it freely. I could seek redemption
instead of idling away wondering how to improve on last year’s imperfections.

When I’m stuck and immobilized I am my mother standing on the outside
criticizing my best intentions before I begin. I am my brothers
and sisters, skeptical and teasing, daring me to fail.
I am my father who joked about everything
and made anything I did seem silly.

This year I resolve to let things
be and not to worry about what
could happen, and to turn on the light
when I am scared, to eat only until I’m full
and to know when I’m full, to take walks in the
sunshine or when it rains, to sing everyday and to
remember all the words, to get angry when I’m angry,
and cry when I’m sad, to laugh out loud, especially at myself.

I resolve to live simply, and to let those around me know I love
them profoundly and by this time next year my life
will be improved or I will find some better way
to resolve transformation for the following new year.