I’ve learned to shop on the Internet. I feel satisfied with the mental stimulation and communications I’ve established with a world wide virtual community. I’ve even learned how to generate income through the use of this technology. I can live in physical isolation but have access to the best minds on the planet.
When did I withdraw from the physical world? I had my own practice. Business was booming and I had established a credibility that made me in demand for lectures, book contracts and television appearances. At one point I felt that I had too many depending on me. I couldn’t sustain and nurture all of them. They wanted to elevate me to guru status, to a place where they didn’t have to think or act for themselves. I am no cult leader.
It wasn’t the followers that alienated me but those closest to me who bastardized what I was trying to accomplish and the worst one was the one I trusted the most. Adrian, my husband, who acted like my pimp. He became infatuated with the money and power and wanted more and more.
I left before I became the next headline news of another famous person captured on tape in a very public breakdown. I didn’t make any excuses I just gradually withdrew from public view. I had lost sight of my center and purpose in life and needed to regroup.
Yesterday I met Michael. He came to the front door and asked to prune the trees. He showed me where the branches were putting pressure on the house and said they must be cut back before there was structural damage. He said he could do the work in about three hours. He took me by surprise with his sweet innocence and sincere desire to provide a service for me. Standing outside for the first time in a year I felt like an angel had arrived at my doorstep.
Was I so desperate for human company that I was infatuated with his presence? Did I recognize him from my dreams and anticipate his arrival? Or was he evil dressed in white and I needed to run back inside and lock the door?