Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Fast Forward

















When I was young life occurred in slow motion
time to watch the trail of ants across the sand
and look up to see the cloud theater in the sky,
cumulus art forms sculpted from water and air.

Adolescence was an internal journey
deep feelings and yearnings
as yet, unexplored, exploding of their own
violation, intruding on to what was not decided

forcing experiences out to the edge
then tumbling back to the way it was before.
Parenthood always child centered
no time for regular pampering

or selfish pleasures – priority directed
to the offspring at all costs and just
when it seemed I was all used up
the empty nest thrust me into a deep hole

having to re-form myself
and fill the time with my own expression
articulated leader, teacher, mentor.
When work life was done and body exhausted

life was still not finished no real models
for how it should be lived somewhere
the button was pushed to fast forward -
world events rapidly changing, whirling

from one disaster to the next
even the birds had three springs
last winter and their progeny
smaller than the year before.

Relationships once trusted now confused
part of an emotional hurricane
fear, hatred, doubt and despair
smash against my consciousness.

I wake up breathless for fresh air
stars in the heavens nothing but white streaks
speeding by too quickly in fast forward.

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