Grandpa's Hat

It was a grey felt hat
like detectives wore in black and white noir.

It offered mystery and sophistication
to my grandpa, who lived much
longer than anyone expected
after his wife, my grandma, passed away.

His hat smelled of sweat and tobacco
and he wore it every day until he got
a new one each father’s day

I knew when he was visiting before I saw him.
He might be taking a nap in my brother's room
but there, on the arm of the couch, was his hat.

It sent chills down my back
his visits always upsetting
because he said things to my mother like,

"Why doesn't she speak Spanish
if she is so smart?," and,
"Why doesn't she wait on me
like a good grand daughter?"

My mom didn’t argue, my dad only laughed,
my brothers and sisters hid out until he was gone
and all that lingered was the smell of his hat

but I miss him today and I didn't expect that.