Baby Doll for Christmas

Some have memories of Christmas  
as the time when they got what they wanted
but my memories are of a time when Santa 
flew by the house leaving leftovers  
or someone else’s used toys, I guess   
it is better to get something than nothing at all. 

I was deternined next year to behave

and be on Santa’s good list
and it finally happened the gifts under the tree 
were bigger than ever before, all the toys
were brand new and exactly what we asked
from Santa at Macy’s department store.  

I remember my sister and I having  
similarly wrapped packages. We tore 
off the ribbon and paper, and there we saw 
a box with a picture of a large baby doll, dressed in pink 
wearing a delicate bonnet. We carefully  opened  
the box, and there was the doll just like the photo 
except she didn’t have a head, what a cruel joke 
my sister screamed and started to cry 
I felt like I was being choked by Santa’s prank 
and threw the box aside,  
decided right then I hated Christmas.
My father laughed my mother scolded 
my oldest brother shouted and pulled the tissue
off the doll’s face separated by cardboard packing
but very much attached to the body 
then everyone started laughing,  
but I never changed my mind, 

I hated Christmas 

and the ritual of gift giving, wanting something 
for nothing and always being disappointed 
I made a decision early to pay my own way 
never wanting anything, and buying what I needed 
like when I didn’t buy a blue velvet dress at sixteen,  
even though I wanted it, didn’t want the possibility 
of being disappointment. One time I did buy a blue 
satin bedspread after I was married, got it home 

and by evening the cat had sh..t on it 
tossed it out rather than having it cleaned  
stayed detached from material things    
all because I thought Santa gave me a box 
with a doll without a head in it.